This Year has been a roller coaster and as life usually reveals itself – nothing like I planned. I scroll through social media and my email and see posts, tweets and advertisements about planning tools that shout out ways to BE better and DO more. People paying witness to the usual goals of slaying at their jobs and approaching the perfect size. For 2020, I resolve to find peace with myself. To heal, to rest, to take my time. I simply want to laugh more and worry less.
Jason’s sickness and death has made it viscerally real how precious time is. 50 weeks ago today I held his hand as the ER physician uttered the words: “colon cancer with multiple tumors present in the liver.” He was gone 6 short weeks later. He had spent the last ten years working on his career and building his bank account, he spent his last 6 months rearranging his life to pursue the things he truly cared about – his family, his love of travel and connecting with friends. He had just begun to find his sukha when his time ran out.
For me, this New Years Eve is about saying goodbye to a really tough year. It is about being grateful to see the first sunrise of 2020.
The only promise I have made is to check in on this blog more. I hope to find more people, who like me, think living a perfectly normal life is perfectly better-than-ok and that happiness is not something given or achieved, but rather something we find within ourselves.
Happy New Year!
Finding Happiness in an Ordinary Life 
This is perfect. I feel the same way. What I learned from Jason’s death was that when you die, the only things you leave behind of substance are memories. In 2020, I hope we all can just live our lives to the fullest extent, and make a million new memories to leave our loved ones with.