Meet my Editor – my daughter Francesca

Known to us as “Franki” – who is becoming more and more like a twin as we age. She has been my biggest supporter and cheerleader in this endeavor. She also suffers from some of the worse anxiety of any one person I have known. But she is finding her way to happy!

My Sukha – by Francesca Huggins

Growing up, I was taught by our school system, by the media, by our entire SOCIETY that to have happiness (hell, to even have value), I had to follow a certain pattern: I had to graduate college, get a good job using my degree, marry a man and have children together. And why not? I was one of the smartest people I knew. I got a 32 on my ACT, finished top of my class, participated in all of the right extracurricular activities- why shouldn’t I do exactly that? I worked tirelessly to be perfect, to follow that path. If you look back on all of my “life plans” from years past, I was going to be a Psychiatrist, a Pharmacist. I was going to make something of myself one day. I was an overachiever; constantly the kid in class who asked “is it okay if I write MORE than 6-8 pages?” Case in point: my mother asked me for a blurb for her blog and I gave her a damn article. I pressured myself until I had panic attacks over receiving an A- and hid in the bathroom for an entire day. But I had THE PLAN. It was the plan I was told would make me happy, would make me whole.

It’s been nine years since I graduated high school, and I didn’t graduate college. I went for one year before I dropped out due to issues stemming from Anxiety. I now work as a product manager for a craft beer bar. I order beer and liquor, wait tables, and work as a shift manager. I work with a man who has a degree in Neuroscience, and I’ve worked side-by-side in other restaurants with people with their MD or PhD. What those teachers, TV shows, and politicians didn’t teach me was that after you get a degree, you still could end up waiting tables with the rest of them. Meanwhile my childhood best friend spent half of her high school hours learning graphic design at a nearby tech school that was labeled by other kids as the place the slackers went to avoid academic classes. She now has a successful career doing exactly what she wanted- graphic design. She even made the logo for this blog. (Hi Brittney!) I didn’t marry a man and start a family either. I met a beautiful and funny woman who felt like the sun to me, and I fell in love- with her, AND her four year old daughter.

Somewhere along the line, we have failed our children. We have told them that the only path to happiness is success. Not just any success, either. A specific brand of it. We have convinced them they must “find their passion” and make it a career or at least not “waste their brains” doing some menial job. Well here’s the secret it took me years to start figuring out: it’s bullshit. I have beaten myself up for almost a decade for not following the plan and using my brain to do something important. The thing is- they need smart people to order beer, too. It’s okay to love your job even if you aren’t a Psychiatrist or a Doctor or a Lawyer. It’s okay to love your job even if it isn’t a career. It’s okay to live your life for other things than work. I am not a disappointment to my family because I am not the person I planned to be. You don’t have to get married and have children to have a meaningful life.

The happiness I have found (and it’s a work in progress) is in the everyday. Getting up in the morning and driving to a job I enjoy. Swimming at the lake. Visiting the zoo. Eating tacos. Getting breakfast at the Farmer’s Market on Saturdays. Thirty-six hour mad trips to the ocean. Kissing that woman I love. Reading Harry Potter to the now nine year old who has claimed me as her “other mom”. The smell after it rains. Making ice cream soup out of my bowl of ice cream. Discussing craft beer with a guest who is as nerdy as I am. Eating really dope popsicles after a hot day outside with the people I love most. They’re happy, too. My daughter is happy with the time we spend together and the things we do, and I have time and freedom to do those things because I am not a Psychiatrist or a Pharmacist, a Doctor or a Lawyer. I work in a bar… and that’s really okay.

I accept who and where and what I am, and that is my sukha.